I created a post back in May that was all about interview techniques for more engaging interviews and conversations.
Since starting my podcast, Mindset Mastery I have gone on a massive journey as an interviewer and I’ve learnt so much more about the art of conversation, from practically engaging in so many more of them, and also reading lots of books about how to form deeper connections and how the human brain works.
While this blog is all about video techniques, I truly believe that having an understanding of neuroscience and mindset is fundamental in anything we do.
So I wanted to update that post and share with you some new insights from what I have learned and experienced over the last few months.
It’s corny I know, but I’d like to start with a quote;
“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood; the best way to understand people is to listen to them.”
But what is listening? Real active listening?
In the previous video I shared seven techniques to help you with your interview questions. While I still believe they are great starting techniques, I now believe the most valuable piece of information I could give you when it comes to having more meaningful conversations is to identify the way you listen to people.
There are a number of different types of listening, and I won’t go into the details right now, but I am going to draw a couple of ideas from Patrick King’s book, How to Listen with Intention.
If you’d like to check out the book there is a link at the bottom of this post (it’s a must read and one I return to often!)
There is only one listening style that feeds true connection, and that is active listening. It’s not pretending to listen while waiting to talk, or thinking about what’s for dinner tonight. It’s consciously deciding to listen to understand because you are genuinely interested in what the other person has to say.
To become a better interviewer the most valuable advice I could give you is to practice active listening.
This is a simple idea, but it can be difficult to execute.
Because the truth is, we won’t care about every single conversation we have. I’m sure we can all easily recall a time where we’ve totally zoned out and when we notice the other person looking to us for our input… we realise we had no idea what they were talking about.
Active listening takes effort and lots of energy to be executed for a long period of time. But it is so worth the payoff.
We need to look at conversation as a way of connecting with someone rather than a transactional encounter; e.g. they say something, you say something, no real depth is explored and we’re just trying to fulfill our need to speak.
Active listening is about wanting to understand the other person’s point of view, feelings and attitude towards the topic of conversation.
When the other person can see and feel that you are invested in the conversation and that you’re genuinely interested in what they have to say, they are going to open up to you in a way you may have never experienced before. And you may have known this person for years!
When you actively listen to someone you are allowing them to be vulnerable with you. When someone feels safe to be vulnerable in your presence you will be surprised what they’re willing to share with you.
You may draw stories out of them that you’d never heard before. Or you may find out the deepest parts of someone’s life when you only met them fifteen minutes ago.
That person is going to leave that encounter thinking that you are the most amazing person. And you may not have said a thing. But they connected with you because you cared, you empathised, and you really listened.
Being in the presence of someone who actively listens is rare in our day to day encounters, so when someone receives this type of listening, their need to be understood is being fulfilled.
When you go into an interview, approach it with an intention to learn and understand.
Everybody knows something that we don’t.
Active listening is mentally taxing. It takes a lot of energy and you will find yourself dipping out of concentration at times.
You may have conversations where you honestly could not care less about what that person has to say. This is a brilliant opportunity to practice active listening.
In these situations we need to make a conscious decision to listen.
Of course, you don’t need to do this all the time, but like any skill, it takes practice and persistence.
And you’ll find the more you practice active listening the more you will feel compelled to do it in your everyday conversations.
You’ll start to notice when you slip into passive listening and that gives you the power to decide how you want to treat that interaction. The conversations you have with those around you will become more enriched due to your ability to actively listen and genuinely care.
I prepare for all my interviews by researching about the person I’m going to be talking to, and sometimes talking to them about what they do before we schedule the interview. Then I create a list of talking points I would like to cover as a guide.
The talking points give direction to where I want the interview to go and what kind of stories I want to hear from the person, but I allow the conversation to be driven by responding to, reflecting on and asking for expansion on the ideas that the other person puts forth.
What I mean by this is if someone says something that I want to understand more about or I feel someone else listening would like to understand more, I will ask a question based on their statement regardless if it’s in my list of questions or not.
This also shows the interviewee that I care about what they have to say.
Asking them to expand on what they are talking about can lead them down all kinds of crazy and fascinating tangents, and it can sometimes challenge them to think deeper about their own experiences and ideas because most people stick to asking surface-level questions that the interviewee has defaulted to answering on autopilot.
When you truly listen, genuinely care and hold space for someone to be vulnerable with you, you will be amazed at the conversation you can experience.
I hope this idea helps you connect with someone today and starts to shift your perception of conversation as mine has over the last few months.
I started Mindset Mastery to learn about mindset and neuroscience, and to share stories, but also to become a better interviewer. The idea of what that means has totally shifted from my first episode and it only becomes more exciting and more fulfilling for me and for the amazing people I get to connect with as every episode goes live.
If you’d like to check out the podcast you can listen here or search for Mindset Mastery wherever you get your podcasts!
Please let me know what you’d like to learn about next, and I will see you there.